A Perfect Stocking Stuffer

Hawaii, islands of enchantment and natural beauty.  It is also the location of the largest mountain on earth when measured from base to peak: Mauna Kea. And perhaps more interesting, Hawaii is also home to Kilauea, an active volcano, and a prime tourist destination.  In between eruptions (the most recent in September of 2024} the volcano regularly dispenses a noxious blend of sulfur dioxide (match stick) and hydrogen dioxide (rotten eggs) from its “digestive tract.” Step near and the nose hairs in your nostrils will curl.

This gaseous blend is a “tell” that the volcano is ready to blow.  Turn back the pages of the calendar to 79 CE and eavesdrop on what’s happening in Pompeii’s forum. A small group of citizens gathered and schmoozed amiably, when the conversation was interrupted, “OK, who cut one?”  Oh, yes dear Romans, time to pack your belongings!

It’s not different today.  Step into a crowded wood-panel lined elevator in Saks Fifth Avenue when Margery Thompson-Allen squeezes in. After the door shuts and the elevator begins its ascent the effects of her lunch, which included a Cosmo, a fried pork schnitzel and side of garbanzo beans & broccoli in a cheese sauce, finally kicks in.  Aren’t you lucky!   Sharing a packed elevator with a human Vesuvius! Perhaps it is a revelation that ladies, and even ladies who dwell on the Upper East Side, can produce world class farts.

Maybe it was being trapped in an elevator inches from “ground zero” that prompted a chemist from Pfizer to see if there was a remedy that could be created.  It probably took a bit of time before the idea of taking on the fart, as it was known in the early days, to gain traction.  But it did within the R&D team at Preparation H (owned by Pfizer). The suppository section sought help from Europe’s preeminent perfume house, Givaudan in Vernier, Switzerland to help devise a masking scent that could be employed in suppositories to overcome the hydrogen dioxide (rotten eggs) scent.

After several test trials with the Yankee Candle Company, “Scent Solutions” is ready for a full product roll-out. The Floor Manager at Yankee Candle’s flagship location in Deerfield, MA has noted the early success of the suppositories available in their most popular fragrances:  Balsam & Cedar, Sage & Citrus and Bahama Breeze.  Their in-store signage features an image of a pine forest and text, “Break Wind with Confidence. The Perfect Stocking Stuffer!”

BREAKING NEWS: Preparation H is in negotiation with Nina Ricci to add “L’Air du Temps” to the Scent Solutions fragrance line. Won’t Mrs. Thompson-Allen be a happy camper!

Posted in Life | Leave a comment

Bay Scallops w/Garlic Butter Sauce & 2022 Famille Garon Viognier Les Grandes Parcelles

Seafood was calling to me.  Specifically, scallops. I already have 3 recipes for the larger Sea Scallops in my repertoire, but I was looking to put the smaller Bay Scallops into play.  My original search was for Coquilles St. Jacques which I had decades ago and I was sure that it used Bay Scallops.  {Truth be told, I just love saying Coquilles St. Jacques the same way I love saying Châteauneuf -du-Pape!}  But every recipe I found called for Sea Scallops.  Then I came upon a super easy recipe for Bay Scallops in All Recipes.  I am a huge fan of easy!  And it’s a plus when “easy” tastes great – which in this case it does!

Here are the ingredients laid out.

For wine I wanted an un-oaked white that packed flavor complexity.  I love the Syrah based reds of Northern Rhône, in particular Hermitage and Côte-Rôtie.  But less well known (and harder to get) are the wines of Condrieu  where Viognier is king. And Viognier is a white wine that offers the richness of flavor without the need of oak aging to supply the richness. 

Famille Garon Viognier Les Grandes Parcelles ’22 (Northern Rhône, France)
Established in 1475 in Ampuis, in the heart of the Côte-Rôtie vineyard, the Domaine has since been passed down from generation to generation. The Vionier for Les Grandes Parcelles is sourced from vineyards just outside of Condrieu in high altitude plots, on sandy granite terroirs. The 2022 showcases a beautiful balance of ripe stone fruit flavors with subtle floral and herbal notes. The wine is well-structured, with a silky palate, and in all ways it was perfect with the Bay Scallops!

BAY SCALLOPS W/ GARLIC PARSLEY BUTTER SAUCE

Ingredients

6 ounces of Tanqueray Gin
½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
3 Blue Cheese Stuffed Olives
A Goodly amount of Ice
2 tbs butter, softened
4 thick slices of Italian bread, sliced
½ tbs olive oil
1½ lbs of fresh bay scallops, rinsed and patted dry
4 cloves of garlic, minced
½ cup white wine
2 tbs fresh lemon juice
½ cup chopped flat leaf parsley
4 tbs cold butter, cut into cubes
1 pinch cayenne pepper
Salt & ground black pepper to taste

Directions

1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming.  Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!

2. Spread softened butter onto one side of each piece of toast

3. Heat oil in a skillet over high heat. When oil begins to smoke, pour scallops into the pan; cook for 30 seconds without stirring.

4. Toss scallops in the pan, and stir in garlic.  Cook and stir until fragrant, about 30 seconds.

5. Stir in wine and lemon juice. Bring to a boil and cook for 30 seconds

6. Stir in parsley and cold butter cubes; remove from heat.

7. When butter melts, stir in cayenne, salt and black pepper.

8. Spoon over buttered toast and serve immediately

Posted in Sandy's Table | Leave a comment

Good Morning

Posted in Life | Leave a comment

A Trio of Breasts w/Braised Halvah & a Mediterranean Wine

In 1997 Yves DeMarchevant, the Dorothy Kleinman Professor of Antiquities at Université Lille, unearthed a cache of papyri located in Alexandria that dated back to circa 200 BCE. The area excavated is in northeast corner of Alexandria, which in the time was home to Jews of the Hellenistic period (think of it as the New York City of the day).  The surprising find included a recipe for a dish included herein. Given the diverse and costliness of the ingredients involved, it is thought to be a “festival” dish.  Something that could have been prepared to honor the beginning of the observance of the Jewish New Year.  Noted cable network “foodie”, Guy Fieri has adapted the recipe to contemporary measurements and cooking techniques. The list of ingredients can appear imposing, and the steps are more numerous than I typically promote, but it’s the season!

Wines?  Easy, wine as been part an parcel of religious observance for Jews since… since?  Forever. But joining the pleasure of wine to food? Came later.  Thank all that is holy that it arrived.

Tura Estate Mountain Peak ‘13 (Judean Hills,Israel)
The Tura Winery, a family estate winery located in thevillage of Rehelim, was established in 2003 by Erez and Vered Ben Saadon. The winery’s vineyards, planted in 1997 on Mt. Bracha by the family, would later emerge as one of the finest vineyards in all of Israel. Mountain Peak is a blend of 49& Cabernet Sauvignon, 36% Merlot, 12% Cabernet Franc and 3% Malbec and aged for 22 months in new French barriques, A full-bodied wine with notes of black pepper, berries, plums and cacao. 

A TRIO OF BREASTS W/BRAISED HALVAH

Ingredients

6 ounces of Tanqueray Gi
½ ounce of Noilly Pratt Dry Vermouth
3 Blue Cheese Stuffed Olives
A Goodly amount of Ice
1 duck breast
1 chicken breast
1 veal breast
¼ cup olive oil (expensive, not cheap store brand)
6 cloves garlic, finely minced
¼ tsp dried oregano
¼ tsp chives
½ tsp herbes de Provence
¼ tsp sage
½ tsp rosemary¼ tsp thyme
1 tbsp cilantro
1 tbsp dill
1 cup 2% milk
2 oz beet horseradish
1 pinch ground coriander
¼ tsp smoked paprika
1 tsp dried red pepper
Salt and pepper to taste
1 large onion, diced
1 carrot, of goodly size, but not overly fat at the base, cut into matchstick sized pieces
1 turnip, peeled and discarded
1 hicama placed on the counter for future study
3 glasses of red wine
2 filets of gefilte fish
1 healthy block of halvah1 braided challah

Directions

1. Put gin and vermouth into a glass pitcher, fill with ice, stir vigorously while incanting, “You who know all, thank you for providing us juniper and all the other obscure ingredients responsible for creating this sacred liquid!” Strain into a pre-frozen Martini glass of admirable size.  Skewer the olives on one of those tacky cocktail swords, place in glass. Immediately begin consuming.  Now you can begin the food prep, and the cooking!

2. Pre-heat oven to 375°

3. Season the duck, chicken & veal with salt and pepper. In a dutch oven at medium-high heat, add oil and sauté the chicken, duck and veal. Brown on each side 2-3 minutes (maybe longer), remove to plate and tent to keep warm saying, “You who have given me this task, please watch over this bounty.”

4. Add garlic to the dutch oven over nearly medium heat ‘til fragrant. Deglaze with 1 cup of wine, scraping up bits into the wine. Reduce liquid to a third. Add onions and carrots and sweat to almost soft, but surely not firm.

5. Add all the spices with the exception of the horseradish to the onions and carrots.  Blend. Lower heat to low, but not too low, for a very brief time.

6. Return the duck, chicken and duck to the dutch oven (and if you are of the mind, throw in 2 or 3 sliced bratwursts), add a glass of wine, blend thoroughly and put into the oven.  Set timer for 10 hours.

7. After 8 hours serve the gifilte fish with the horseradish and sliced challah bread and a glass of wine saying, “it doesn’t get better than this.”  Then take a small portion of gifilte fish and throw it on the floor saying (with considerable disgust), “That’s what I think of you Joseph McCarthy!”

8. After 10 hours, remove the dutch oven, open, regard the burnt and overly cooked contents and recite from Genesis, Chapter 22:

Early the next morning Abraham got up and loaded his donkey.  He took with him two of his servants and his son Issac.  When he had cut enough wood for the burnt offering, he set out for the place God had told him about.

On the third Day Abraham looked up and saw the place in the distance.

He said to his servants, “stay here with the donkey while I and the boy go over there.  We will worship and then we will come back to you.”

Abraham took the wood for the burnt offering and placed it on his son Issac, and he himself carried the fire and the knife.  As the two went on together, Isaac spoke up and said to his father Abraham, “Father?”

“Yes, my son?” Abraham replied?

“The fire and wood are here,” Issac said, “but where is the lamb for the burnt offering?”

Abraham answered, “God himself will provide the lamb for the burnt offering, my son.” And the two of them went together.

When they reached the place God had told him about, Abraham built an altar there and arranged wood on it.  He bound his son Issac and laid him on the altar, on top of the wood.  Then he reached out his hand and took the knife to slay his son.  But the angel of the Lord called out to him from heaven, “Abraham, Abraham!”

“Here I am”, he replied.

“What are you nuts? Put that knife down!  You’ve shown your devotion to God! Untie the lad. Go and eat halvah with your boy.” And 20 minutes later the boy had a smile on his face and pimples.

8. Discard the contents of the dutch oven.  Your children are spared.

9. Cut a healthy sized slab of halvah and serve with the glass of milk. Smile and enjoy. And, for those to whom it applies, enjoy a New Year of good health and happiness.

n.b. This dish is not only served for the “Jewish New Year”, it is also served on September 9 to commemorate the day Sandy Koufax pitched a perfect game against the Chicago Cubs. Just kidding about braising the halvah. And it has been well documented that halvah (a common mid-Eastern confection) can raise pimples on a bowling ball.

Posted in Ministry of Humor | Leave a comment