The Ash Creek Papers

Earliest man had methods to punish behaviors that were outside the group norm.  Over thousands of year these methods have been refined and perfected.

Match the punishment with the appropriate person & submit your answers to the Summer of Jim web site.  The winner(s) will receive a “no homework tonight” pass and a sugar free cookie.

1. Stoning.  Going back to biblical times, this was a punishment that was meted out for blasphemy, apostasy, prostitution, adultery, murder and jaywalking. 

In Deuteronomy (13:9-10) You must certainly put him to death, and then the hands of all the people.  You shall stone him to death, because he tried to turn you from the Lord your God, who brought you out of Egypt out of the land of slavery.

By the Middle Ages Stonings were often staged during Jousts and Tournaments.  The Church would have little children fill up wagons with rocks and bring them to the stoning pitch… people would buy a bucket full of rocks and take aim at the offending party who would be tied to a wagon wheel.  Wagering over hitting specific parts of the anatomy would take place over two or three days, or until the person died.  

2. Staking.  The Aztec Empire was one of the most advanced societies of the world.  Their leaders were held responsible for the well being of their nation & if they erred they would be judged and in some cases would have the extreme punishment of staking.

Offending officials would be stripped of their garments and brought to a clearing, their bodies would be coated in honey, they would then be tied to stakes in the ground near a fire ant colony.  If they cried out in agony another layer of honey would be applied.  If the sun didn’t come out the punishment would be repeated on the next day.

3. Silent Treatment.  This is one of the oldest punishments going back to Neolithic cave dwellers.  The frescoes of the Lascaux Caves accurately depict persons who are being ignored, and in other ways being excluded from a social circle.  Punishment typically lasted a month (a lunar cycle); but sometimes would extend for months, particularly if the punishment occurred during a lunar eclipse.  Occasionally there were some negative side effects that would be experienced… during a lengthy silent treatment, the dwellers would have forgotten how to talk.

4. Holding it in.  In the 18th Century The Royal Navy had the heavy responsibility of protecting Mother England and its far flung Empire.  And a ship’s captain could not risk a breech in discipline.  There were many punishments that were part and parcel of life aboard one of His Majesty’s ships.  Flogging, keel-hauling were horrible; but the punishment that was feared above all else was the dreaded holding it in.  Sailors would not be permitted to “eliminate body wastes.” Before exacting punishment, the sailor would be given a double tot of rum & then the sergeant at arms would be assigned what was called the “piss watch”… The sailor was not permitted to relieve himself until the triple watch had passed (12 hours).

6. Time out.  This unusual punishment was devised by the great Genghis Khan.  Keeping control of his Army was of paramount importance.  Questioning his authority was ruthlessly dealt with.  The slightest of offenses would call for a variety of corporal punishments.  Fingers, hands, tongues would be severed in a blink.  Most feared was the time out.  The guilty party would have to face the ultimate disgrace of being sent from the communal fire and would have to stand with his back turned to his fellow members of the Horde, couldn’t join in on any of the songs and would have to endure the embarrassment of catcalls, “zhuib, zhuib, zhuib,” which translates roughly as, shame, shame, shame!  Many of the offending persons would be found dead the next morning having taken their own lives over the dishonor.

7. The Beaupre.  This was a most unusual punishment invented by a school master in the 20th Century who was denied access to corporal forms of punishment.  It involved dragging a student seated in his desk into the adjacent boys restroom.  “This is what happens when you giggle in class mister!”  Some students still bear the mental scaring of this cruel punishment and as adults they have been known to drive thru muddle puddles at great speed to spray vulnerable old ladies waiting to cross the street.

8. Taping.  The “Rice Diet” was developed at Duke University in the 1930s as a method to treat obesity.  The eating regimen was severe… limited to exacting portions of rice, fruit, vegetables, non-fat dairy, and also included extensive walking regimen for low impact exercising.  The food intake was closely supervised and blood was taken daily to verify that no “food cheating” had taken place.  Patients who enroll in the program have to sign a form pledging “not to cheat.”

There was an unusual punishment for cheaters.  Blindfolded they were brought into a small room, seated in an uncomfortable chair… their legs would be taped to the legs of the chair, their hands would be taped behind their backs, their mouths would be taped closed… then a table would be placed before them heaped with crème filled donuts, warm brownies & Black Forest cake.

They would be left in the room to think about what they had done.

9. La Liberace.  This was a unique form of punishment designed in the Salon of ‘Coco’ Chanel. Renown for her exquisite taste and sharp fashion eye, if one of her workers were found dressed in an inappropriate manner, they would be forced to undress and put on a hideous costume (called la Liberace), made from the ends of the cutting room floor and covered in sequins and lace.  More than one employee would run from the room crying, never to be seen or heard from again rather than suffer the derisive stares of co-workers.  Coco was known to sneer, “Qu’il s’habillent de la merde.”

10. Clean-up. It is not surprising that so many punishments trace they origins to the military.  When Hannibal moved his Armies from Carthage to Spain, then thru France, across the Alps into Italy he brought herds of elephants with him to form the “armored brigades” of the day.  The trouble was they made a God-awful mess.  The simple folk of Spain began to complain about the heaps of dung that littered the roads after Hannibal passed thru.  Sick of hearing the griping, Hannibal ordered a team of soldiers selected from the ranks of the punished be assigned the task of cleaning up after the elephants.  This form of punishment continues to this day.  The next time you are asked to clean up your room, you can thank Hannibal… he was the one that started it.

11. Ducking stool. The aim of this form of 17th Century punishment was public humiliation.  It was directed to women who gossiped, acted vindictively to their neighbors, had children out of wedlock or who flirted excessively.  The offending lady would be strapped into a chair, which was suspended from a pole fixed on a rolling platform… first she would be paraded thru the village to the jeers of her neighbors, and then she would be brought to the edge of a river or pond, and given a dunk or two into the “drink”.  The amount of time you were forced to remain under the water depended on the severity of your crime.  On one occasion a woman in Leicestershire was eaten by a river sturgeon.

A. Barry Bonds

B. George W. Bush

C. Dick Cheney

D. Gary Moss

E. Wayne Newton

F. Rosie O’Donnell

G. Don Rumsfeld

H. Al Sharpton

I. Howard Stern

J. Martha Stewart

K. Donald Trump